Hey - what's everyone doin' at 8.30 (BST) tomorrow morn? (19th June) I'll tell you what I'll be doing. I'll be in Brummie Nick's shed watching England against New Zealand in the rugby test. Devoted West Brom fan Nick has a shed which contains:

• Sky Sports on a ten foot screen
• A large three-piece-suite in front of the action
• A fridge full of ale
• A toilet
• A pool table for respite
• Another fridge crammed with premium lager

Feng Shui or what?

What more could a man want?

Apart from a blow-job at half-time I suppose. I would ask his lovely wife Janice but she's just had her fourth kid and I don't reckon she'd be up for any full-time fellatio let alone the half-time variety. As for Big Bad Chris and Aussie Dave, I don't stand a chance, at least not without some serious coaxing. Nick, on the other hand, will be too busy telling me how chuffed he is that the Baggies are back in the Premiership. Such a shame.

Sigh. Hoss.