So, Bolton manager Sam Allardyce has claimed that he impressed the F.A. hierarchy at his England job interview by demonstrating his coaching methods via a laptop. Is a mobile computer system really necessary to show a player wriggling on the turf in agony before bouncing up unscathed and hoofing the resultant free kick fifty yards into the opposition's penalty box? Surely a rough sketch on a bit of used toilet paper would suffice? Sam Allardyce. Fatal football. Still, at least the next England manager is not English. Yes he is. Oh, bollocks.

p.s.-Hey Barn, I reckon you should change your name from Barnaby Alexander Vail to Pod and then get engaged to ITV journo Keir Simmons. Thus, at the ensuing wedding the vicar will announce "Say after me 'I Pod'" and "Say after me 'I Keir'" and we will be rolling about in the aisles before nipping out for a quick Woodbine whilst the octogenarian organist does a Les Dawson version of "There is a green hill far away".

Hoss.