Yo, fellow porcupines.

It's Hoss and I may be up in town on Friday 9th September. Thinking about a bev or eleven in Covent Garden area. Hey Barn, am I right in assuming that said date is your birthday? In which case I reckon you ought to be handcuffed naked to the nearest lamp-post whilst the rest of us pelt you with different flavoured doughballs acquired from the local Pizza Express. What d'ya reckon?

p.s.-almost forgot. I've organised a table tennis tournament on High Brooms landfill site at 3am on November 19th. Entry costs £179.56 and the winner will receive a Poundstretcher pedal-bin full of rubber poultry. Keith Chegwin will officially open the event at 3 o'clock sharp and commentary will be provided by Peter Gabriel and Russell Grant via a latex megaphone. Tables will be provided but you'll need to bring your own bat, ball, bottle, bird and floodlights. If you're interested let me know but hurry, cos enthusiasm is fierce and tickets are selling quicker than Charlotte Church's new single. Further information can be accessed at kingdongpingpong.com

Hoss.