Having been a bit too hunch drunk over the past few years and lost more than a monkey at the bookies I'm hardly in a position of authority to offer any juicy tips. Nevertheless my forecast for the general election this Thursday is an overall Labour majority of 70 to 80 with the the Lib Dems bagging between 60 and 70 seats. I'll be putting down a pony on each prediction and I suggest that you do the same. If it all goes belly-up you can explain to your bank manager that it was all the fault of "the hoss with the big nose'n'hose". Place y'bets now.

p.s.-Hey Adam, I think your new bird Sylvie is really sexy. I also noticed that she has quite a large mouth. I reckon she could do two at once. Why not invite me round for tea and biscuits and we can put my theory to the test? However, I would prefer it if Sylvie passed on the cookies as I don't fancy being stuck in London traffic on my way back home with a chod of soggy crumbs wedged under m'bonnet. Do you see where I'm coming from?

p.p.s.-Incidentally my first ever pet as a kid was a golden labrador puppy called Sylvie. Whenever she got excited she would jump on someone's face and empty the contents of her bladder. Does your Sylvie do the same?

Hoss. Neigh.