Due to injuries sustained in the Vietnam war Republican presidential hopeful John McCain is unable to raise his hands above his head. This could prove to be a bit of a snag should McCain be voted into the oval office in November. After all, what sort of wave could he give whilst standing on top of the steps outside Air Force One? Would a pronating conjuror really look the part? This is assuming that he survives the bad taste jibe of his Democrat opponent in the run up to the election. Namely, Clinton or Obama addressing a rally with the words "and who do you want as the next president of the United States? A celebrated war hero or someone who can do this?" before lurching their upper limbs skyward in the style of David Beckham after scoring a thirty yard screamer. Still, at least the guy can console himself with having invented oven chips.

Whilst flicking through my crispy new copy of Radio Times this morning I noticed that Robin Hood :Prince Of Thieves was playing at 5.25pm on the Sci-Fi channel. That's right. Robin Hood on the Sci-Fi channel. I know what you're thinking. But it's easy to forget the scene where Alan Rickman arm wrestles a wookie on Uranus before crash-landing his spaceship on Jizzum 5: a planet devastated by numerous plagues, a recent collision with the Britney Spears Asteroid Belt and the imminent arrival of Jeremy Clarkson in his Land Rover Discovery.

On the subject of Uranus, when I was a kid it was pronounced "yerr-ANUS", not the oh-so-polite "you're-a-noose" we have today. Shame then that the SARS virus wasn't discovered thirty years ago as they probably would have stuck with the original name of Acute Respiratory Syndrome Epidemic. That said, I can understand the insistence of the Greek Olympic Committee in 2004 that equestrian Pippa Funnell should be introduced in the paddock with her full name of Philippa Funnell. This is because "pippa" is Greek for fellatio. You can imagine the consternation of Daily Mail readers if the name of a Greek rider at the London Olympics in 2012 bellowed out of the tannoy as Blow Job Popadopolous.

Hoss. All in good taste.