With the ongoing success of his French bistro "La Chatte Baveuse" renowned Franco-Italian chef Marco Pierre Hossi has just opened his first roadkill restaurant. Located near Fleet services on the M3 and entitled "Squidge" this is definitely not for vegetarians. And here is the menu.

STARTER

1.Foxtail Soup. Bushy broth to whet the appetite.

BURGERS

2. Burdger and Fries. Why not sample our world famous badger burger with a side order of fries?

3. Bunny in a Bun. Alternatively you can opt for our rabbit variety.

BIRDS

4. Robin Meself. Succulent redbreast with Hollandaise sauce. A steal at £6.95.

5. Cormorant en croute. Crispy cormorant in puffin pastry.

6. Corncrake on the Cob. Unfilleted corncrake for the adventurous.

7. Flambee Flamingo. This pink delight comes to your table in a sizzle.

8. Mag Pie. Popular with fans of Newcastle Utd.

9. Puss-in-coots. Two plump juicy coots stuffed with cat hair.

MAIN COURSE

10. Squirrel Lorraine. Check out this cheeky little quiche.

11. Collie Flower Cheese. Lassie like you've never seen her before. Garnished with a lupin and a lump of Red Leicester.

12. Horse d'oevres. Definitely not a starter. One tonne of pit pony that will keep you stoked up for months.

13. Split beaver. Spatchcock beaver with anchovy sauce.

DESSERTS

14. Blackbird Pudding. Traditional favourite.

15. Apple Poodle. This German pud never fails to impress.

Delicious. I'm sure you'll agree. M.P. Hossi.

p.s.-in Monday's edition of The Independent was an article by the usually intelligent journo Yasmin Alibhai-Brown attacking atheism and the certainty of those who believe in it. Hey Yas-babes, wild stab in the dark this, but the reason why non-believers such as m'self, Dawkins and Hitchens feel so assured in our opinion is because we are aware that all gods exist on a par with Bigfoot, Nessie, The Abominable Snowman, The Man from Atlantis, Hogwarts, Middle Earth, and the bloke down the kebab shop who looks like Elvis but turns out to be Lord Lucan. Or have I got this completely wrong? And Jesus really was capable of strolling about on The Red Sea before changing its contents into a tasty Merlot and providing the peckish locals with an endless supply of buns from one small basket?

So Yasmin, what's your alibi now?

Hoss.

p.s.-Hey Barn, have you returned from your South American travels yet? Or are you gonna be celebrating your birthday playing paper/scissors/stone with the Mbubu tribe whilst discussing Russian existentialism on a raft on the Orinoco?

Hoss.