On 14th November 2005 Hoss received this e-mail:

Penny, Phil, Mark and Elizabeth are having a 40th birthday party

December 10th 2005, 7.30pm

The Gate, 18-20 St John Street, London EC1

RSVP

Elizabeth

Hoss replied: 

I've specifically kept this date work free in order to participate in such a momentus occasion. Any more details though? What is "The Gate", will there be food, can I bring along my Chinese water dragon Malcolm and is there a dress code which stipulates that I'll have to don a pair of trolleys under m'kilt?

p.s.-in keeping with "40" tradition I've got you birds something wholly appropriate. Phil and Mark have already received their gifts (what else do you give a married man on his fortieth but porn?) whereas you chix will be obtaining summat of the cute and fluffy variety. As Rolf Harris would say, can you guess what it is yet? ols.

p.p.s.-if Georgian pop diva Katie Melua had a love child with Portsmouth striker Lomana Lualua and christened her Melanie what do you reckon on the stardom potential of someone called Mel Melua-Lualua?

Hoss.