Hey geezers, Ollup Survey is conducting its latest poll entitled "State Of The Nation's Vadge 2006". So, what's the snip of y'bird's bush at the moment? Are we talking Frank Zappa, Roy Keane or Theo Kojak?

Furthermore, if kept under control, who does the mowing, and what method do you use? Ruddock, Remington, Googlewax, 100% Hole Veet or Epilators Anonymous? Do you ever leave it to the Rainforest stage before indulging in a bit of top-class topiary and use the ol' garden shears to mould her mound into the shape of Parsley the Lion? Or are you a firm believer that nature should remain unaccosted and the kipper should roam free? Alternatively, do you insist that one shouldn't have to do battle with the hedgerow in order to access the wildlife? Prompt answers would be appreciated as by the time of publication further growth may have rendered the results totally pointless.

Hoss