Hey Fred,

Here is my pitch for a movie I'd like you to direct.

Kazoo Man (Dir:Fred Fox Bassett. Starring Johnny Vegas, Haley Joel Osment)

A man (Vegas) is washed up on Margate beach. The labels on his clothes have been eradicated. He is both traumatised and mute. He is picked up by the police and handed over to the local mental institution where he scribbles down a sketch of a kazoo. One of the careworkers finds said musical instrument and hands it to the mysterious stranger. Suddenly he is happy. He then spends four hours churning out classical tunes such as "Flight Of The Bumble Bee" and "1812 Overture" before switching seamlessly to more contemporary fare - "Its Raining Men" and Collins' "In The Air Tonight" - encoring with "Illegal Alien". Two days later, a Tibetan urchin with a wooden leg (Osment) is discovered in the same spot with the same condition and uses his prosthetic to scrawl out a picture of a xylophone in the sand. He is introduced to Kazoo Man and the two of them strike up a formidable musical relationship. The film ends with the pair disappearing into the horizon undertaking a medley of duets including "Ebony And Ivory" and the theme from Coronation Street. AND THEN Xylophone Boy implodes, transforms into a giant squid and devours Kazoo Man before turning to the camera, winking, and leaving hastily on a unicycle. Presto. What d'ya reckon?

Hoss. (executive producer) p.s.-if your Dad was known in professional circles as Foxy, was your mum known as Foxy's Lady?

Hoss. Totally Hendrix. Fox on.