I hope the wedding went well last Saturday and everyone enjoyed it, especially the "hogroast". Indeed, maybe you can add the term "hogging" to the already notorious "spit-roasting" and "dogging" presently executed by socially retarded footballers up and down the country. Here are the steps required to become a successful "hogger".
1.
Go out and purchase a 1976 Mk 2 Ford Capri.
2.
Customize accordingly, complete with fins, spoiler, go-faster stripes, furry dice, "FRED AND CAT" windscreen sash and forged documents.
3.
Park vehicle in lay-by at Heston services off the M4.
4.
Attract the attention of other "hoggers" with a quick double-flash of the headlights.
5.
Turn on the map-reading light and get down to some serious back-seat action. Maybe starting with Catrin cupping her paws around your furry dice.
6.
Wait for one of the onlookers to say "Oi Mate, lets have a go".
7.
Reply with "Bugger off, she's all mine".
8.
You are now a fully qualified "hogger"
hogging2: having it all, occupying the crease, not passing the ball, eating the cherry as well as the pie, not sharing one's bird.
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