Due to injuries sustained in the Vietnam war Republican presidential hopeful John McCain is unable to raise his hands above his head. This could prove to be a bit of a snag should McCain be voted into the oval office in November. After all, what sort of wave could he give whilst standing on top of the steps outside Air Force One? Would a pronating conjuror really look the part? This is assuming that he survives the bad taste jibe of his Democrat opponent in the run up to the election. Namely, Clinton or Obama addressing a rally with the words “and who do you want as the next president of the United States? A celebrated war hero or someone who can do this?” before lurching their upper limbs skyward in the style of David Beckham after scoring a thirty yard screamer. Still, at least the guy can console himself with having invented oven chips.
Blimey. Has anyone heard Robbie Williams’ new single? It’s called “Rudebox”. It simply has to be a contender for worst song of all time. His attempt at rapping Eminem-style is so misguided my buttocks froze on first listening. And then there’s the lyrics. “Catch me on my mobe, not the landline”. Yo! Robbie! Mixing it with the kids in the hood? I don’t think so! There’s another line about filling a Durex with Semtex and shoving it up his jaxi which doesn”t seem to be a very good idea to me. Then again, if the resultant explosion prevents Robbie from producing such trash as this then maybe that’s not such a bad idea after all.
The wife of the late Johnny Cash has revealed that he spent much of the last five years of his life in their loft conversion writing his autobiography. Available in all good bookshops soon and entitled “Cash In The Attic”.
Is it just me or does Vanessa Feltz always look like someone has stuck an electrode up her arse before sending 30,000 volts to it?